I have reached the 7 week mark! This pregnancy, every day seems like a miracle. I am so grateful for the chance to experience this again. So far, things have been relatively calm and easy. I haven’t been very nauseous, and aside from a bad cold I have been fighting all week, I am happy and healthy. My first appointment is on October 3rd, and I am anxiously awaiting the ultrasound. It is very difficult not knowing what is going on inside me, but I have to trust that all is well.
It has been 5 months since we have been without our baby. March and April were difficult, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about my Angel. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through. My emotions were so low, but I slowly worked back to be myself. I missed being pregnant, even though it was tough many times.
This time around, I am more scared than excited. What can I do differently? I prayed for a healthy baby, but I needed to pray for strength for myself. I guess I had to experience that low in order to appreciate the struggle.
I wish I had another picture of our Angel Baby. I have one ultrasound from our 9 week appt. The image is fuzzy and a little hard to make out, but I know where her heart is. Funny how I thought it was a boy until the day I learned the baby had passed away. That night before I dreamed of a beautiful baby girl. Since then I thought she was a girl.
Now that I am pregnant again I want to treasure each precious moment, because I do know how sacred the time I have with my child is. I never got to feel my first baby move. I want that feeling, and to see his or her smiling or crying face. I want the baby clothes hanging in our closet to be put to good use soon.
Through all the heartache we have experienced, David and I are more solid than ever. We are grateful for our friends and family who were so supportive through our loss, and who will continue to be supportive this time around. We are determined to never forget our Angel, and to stay strong.
